Wedding Bell Blues - or - Feelings of Love
Dreamer: Beatrice, 19
I recently broke up with someone who I cared about very much. I am now seeing him in a lot of my dreams at night. For instance, last night I dreamed that we had gotten back together. We were together on the couch enjoying each other's company. I remember being so happy. Then, his friends from home came to visit. The next thing I remember was buying a wedding dress at a store down the road. The dream took place at his house, sometimes in his bedroom and sometimes in the living room. My closest friends were there as well. I woke up disappointed that this was just a dream. It felt very real.
Mr. Hagen's Reply: Wedding Bell Blues - or - Feelings of Love
Without having much background information about your relationship, it is difficult to ascertain the specific motives of your dream, however some general and collective ideas are readily visible.
The sense of loss after a relationship has broken up is normal, especially when there are many sentimental memories. Ethel Person's "Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters" focuses on the lover's internal soliloquy and external dialogue with the beloved. This soliloquy, dialogue and narrative of love, loss and romantic agony can develop during one's whole life. You seem to be questioning your (mutual?) decision to separate and ask whether reconciliation is possible. Is this the man of your dreams? Is he your "soul mate"? Since the dream of love and marriage is one primary ways Western personality defines itself, the failure of love can and will produce symptoms when love dies.
A consequence of leaving your youthful poetic conflict of love unresolved in your memory may be the fixation of your mind on this relationship. Such songs (view music videos via the links provided) like The Fifth Dimension Wedding Bell Blues, Morris Albert's Feelings, Chicago's If You Leave Me Now, The Scorpions Still Loving You, 10CC I'm Not in Love and Eric Carmen's All By Myself capture the moods of love and can have a catharctic effect.
Many individuals take the baggage of past relationships into their new ones (this is evident in many dreams of love). If not purged, the logical consequence is the alienation of love's dream. Closure is necessary, "griefwork" is the vehicle and remedy to achieve this goal.
Some other references that might help:
- John Bowlby, "Attachment, Separation and Loss"
- Ovid's "Remedies for Love" (contains precepts for falling out of love)
- Mario Praz, "The Romantic Agony"
- Julia Kristeva, "Tales of Love"
- Jill Tweedie, "In the Name of Love"
- Jane G. Goldberg, "The Dark Side of Love"
- Ignace Lepp, "The Psychology of Love"
Hope these thoughts are of help and provide some insight,
Mark H.