Boy-Friends -or- The Song of Your Dreams

The Song Book I Write -or- Words that Lyrically Signify Love and Friendship

Many dreams sent to the International Institute for Dream Research (IIDR) speak about friends and friendship. In fact, nearly 30% of the dreams sent to the IIDR use the keyword "friend". Narrowing the search parameters to the keyword "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", we can find an interesting difference; the word "boyfriend" appears nearly 3 times as often as "girlfriend". 

Begging a number of pointed questions which include; are women and men, girls and boys using different words to describe their relationship to their girl/boy-friends, and/or are women talking more (and/or men talking less about their girlfriends) about their boyfriends in their dreams? To add to these observations and questions, the keyword "ex-boyfriend" is mentioned 5 times as many times as "ex-girlfriend".

 The dreams received by the IIDR speak of love in its near entire musical vicissitudes (read IIDR interpretation "The Song Book I Write"). When I was a 15 year old, from a popular culture perspective, Elton John's "Your Song" (watch music video) provided me with the love song and fantasy "vibe" I felt for the girl of my dreams. Today's "Field Note" talks about the dream of "The Boyfriend". Tomorrow's "Field Note", will discuss "The Girlfriend".

Part 1: The Boyfriends -or- Strangers in the Night 

Tammy, 13 

Lately I have been really into dreams I have been studying dreams for the past few weeks and I would love to study it when I get older but I still need help with my dreams.

I keep having dreams that don't really make me happy once I dreamed about my boyfriend kissing me them turned around and kissed another girl that's when I woke up I was sad. The next one was where he broke up with me. Right now we are not together at the moment he broke up with me on new years :(. After that dream I had another dream about one of his friends which I liked before dating him the dream was about him liking me and me liking him and then a few days later he broke up with his girlfriend but the weird part is he broke up with his gf exactly a week after me and my bf broke up. 

If you can tell me what my dreams are telling me that would be great. 

Mr Hagen's Reply; The Dating Game -or- The Hormone Theory of Erotic Love

When growing up as a teenager, playing the game "spin the bottle" is not uncommon. The fact that the so-called boyfriend ("bf") kisses you and then "turned around and kissed another girl" attests to the fact that young teenagers are erotically experimenting with what can be called "the hormone theory of love". Said differently, many of your friends your age begin playing the "Dating" game. Thinking that a boy would be faithful at 13 years old might be considered a "romantic fallacy" (read misconception) of love by many. On the other hand, it is understandable that you feel "sad". Taylor Swift's "American Honey" is telling you that growing up to fast can later make you miss the simpler times. 

Beth, 16 

i was dreaming about a wedding that i went to last weekend and the groom and i were flirting with each other...but the groom wasn't the same groom from the wedding i went to. The groom from my dream looked like my boyfriend i have now. We were all having a good time then i went through a stair well and the groom followed me and we started to kiss and as we were getting really into it my dad walked in and wasn't too happy. So i just started running through all these stair cases. 

Mr Hagen's Reply: You're 16 -or- Fathers Policing the Boundaries of the Bride 

The romantic fantasy of the "groom" and the perfect wedding still can be found in dreams such as yours, the problem is that there are fantasies, and then there is down to earth reality. Your father who is a little older than you are, was a boyfriend and perhaps a groom once himself. I'm sure he knows the games of youth well. He is making sure that you are safe, even if he is disrupting your erotic fantasy of "having a good time." As Ringo Starr sings; You're 16 (You're Beautiful & you're mine) (watch music video). 

Ali, 22 

In my dream, my boyfriend was a stranger and trained killer. In the dream, he all of the characteristics of my Ex: especially controlling. What does my dream means? 

Mr Hagen's Reply: Estranged -or- Ex-Boyfriends and Gun's N'Roses 

As so many dreams received by the IIDR, unfinished emotional business can be found in your dream. These dreams are the stuff "The Ex-Files" (read IIDR dream interpretation) are made of. In your dream, you have created an emotional montage, confusing memories of your boyfriend now with those of your ex-boyfriend. Love and hate are two of the strongest human passions in relationships. You have cast your "Ex" in the dream role of the stranger, or to be more exact, someone who is emotionally "estranged" from you. The psychological idea that he is a killer, may allude to the separation becoming violent. From a popular music perspective "Estranged" by "Guns N'Roses" seems to fit the sentiment of your dream? 

Susan, 24 

The beginning was I was with a man that was very handsome and tall, and dressed in a black suit. In the dream, he was my boyfriend. We were of the same faith, and he was everything I ever wanted in a man, though he was years older than me. I was completely in love with him, and even subconsiously I felt deep compassion for him. We were in a religious store with books and music. He found a book, we laughed at the coincidence that we had the same name even though it was spelled differently. Then my ex-boyfriend was standing there in a corner, madder than ever to see me so happy with this man. The man basically told him to back off and I couldn't have been more proud at the way he handled it and we didn't see him after that. 

Mr Hagen's Reply: Personal Boundaries and Boyfriends-or-Making a Scene in Public 

One of the characteristics of your dream type "boyfriend" is associated to your "same faith". Your dream has many visual "mise en scene" characteristics; the narrative description of the man you meet in the bookstore, your Ex-boyfriend seeing you happy, and after the man of your dreams tells your Ex to "back off", you never see your Ex again. This is what the dream most likely is saying, you are trying to get your personal boundaries back in place, because you feel your Ex may be lurking somewhere around the corner, and you don't want to see him again. Was he un-faithful? Avril Lavigne's "Don't Tell Me" seems to fit the sentiment of your dream.  

Vanessa, 24 

Four years ago I came to know this guy Mr. X at University. We were very close until I thought he is going to be my boyfriend but unfortunately he chose to be with my friend. At that time I was very sad and finally get over it and we had never contacted since then. Now he is getting married in 1 months time and his future-to-be wife has invited me to his wedding. 

Last night; I had a dream where he was right beside me in my room. We were lying down side by side on my bed and talking about lots of things. He said he is very comfortable with me but sadly he had to married his wife-to-be. He missed the time we had together and all the happy moments. He said he wanted to be with me but cannot.  All of a sudden it was morning and his figure slowly faded away into a mist and disappeared. May I know why am I having this dream and what does it mean? 

Mr Hagen's Reply: The Graduate's Feelings of Love -or- Mr X and The Wife to Be 

What is certain is that you have feelings for "this guy", and you are evidently not "over it". Since he "chose" your friend, you evidently feel rejected? Your sentiments remind me of Morris Albert's song "Feelings". Like so many dreams, you have not talked to Mr X, and now when it seems too late, you feel you dramatically need to contact him and disclose your true thoughts and feelings, even if it is only in your dreams. Your dream also reminds me of the film "The Graduate", where the dramatic realities of the dream of youth and romantic love appear uncertain, and the future daunting. The Graduate, features Simon and Garfunkel's song "The Sound of Silence".



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